Foster Care Archives - Page 2 of 5 - Spoonful of Imagination

Georgia on My Mind and on My Pillow

August 4, 2014 By Erica Deuel 3 Comments

Sometimes in life we have time to process and prepare for change. There are other moments in life where we don’t, and we can feel robbed or cheated. I am continually thankful that we had time to process, prepare, cry and cherish our last days with our sweet foster son. We are still largely processing all that we experienced and what God wants for us, but one thing I am continually so grateful for is God’s faithfulness.

One of my outlets for processing change and all that life throws my way is crafting. This past weekend, with a million things on my to-do list, I snuck away to my sewing machine for an hour and created this embellished pillow. What can I say, it’s like therapy. While I process life, all that’s going on, and all the things ahead I’m thinking a lot about my roots, where I’m from, and all those special people who have invested in me along the way. So naturally being a good Southern girl, I have Georgia on my mind, and now I have it on my pillow too!

Follow along and you too can make a state pride piece for your home.

I started with a plain dark grey, simple pillow case. I have had this one for sometime, but it didn’t look right in my home without a little jazz. So I decided to add my state outline to it. It is no secret that embellishing an already existing item can make a very easy craft. It can often times make your project cheaper. Just like my felt heart pillow, this state pillow will turn a dull boring pillow into a fun statement piece.

I Googled “GA outline” and printed my favorite one, pinned it to my fabric, and cut the paper and fabric at the same time to give me a Georgia fabric silhouette. You could repeat this process with any state or country that is special to you.

I then pinned that fabric silhouette to a piece of burlap and cut about 1/4″ off the fabric silhouette to give the state a burlap border.

I then used some scrap felt to cut out a heart. I placed this where our capital would be on a map. We live in a northern suburb of Atlanta, so it only seemed appropriate to make sure it is represented on the state. I embroidered the heart in place and then sewed the whole piece onto my existing pillowcase.

I love how it turned out! It added a punch of personality and fun to a rather boring pillow.

You could use this idea for any state, shape, or symbol! My bench is like a rotating canvas to hold my pillow obsession.

Are you an inward processor too? What activity helps you process?? I’m always up for new things. I wish I could journal, but then again maybe this is my journal.

I hope you all are having a good week! Find a way to use your imagination and dream big dreams with me!

Saying Yes

July 25, 2014 By Erica Deuel 11 Comments

I sit here and I don’t exactly know what I want to say. I know my heart is raw and tender, and I want to always remember this feeling. The moment I am empty of myself, I find the most beautiful. It is these moments where I find it easier to rely on God, stop trying to do it all on my own, and surrender that I don’t have control.

I think it would be safe to say these last five months with our sweet foster son, my heart has largely been in this sweet, yet difficult place.

Yes, it is very hard to live day in and day out with such raw, heavy emotions, but it can be beautiful. Let me explain. When we said “yes” and brought a child in crisis into our home, we were bringing brokenness, hurt, pain, lies, bad habits, etc with him. It is a very trying experience to walk day in and day out with love in the midst of these circumstances. Not to mention having three other children in the home, who are little sponges. It was a constant balancing act of our hearts to care for everyone well.

There were many days where I was exhausted and cried. I couldn’t do it on my own. I learned that from our last foster experience. So, I think I was set up better this time around, but it didn’t change that it was still hard. The truth is though, all those things that lived in our FS, also lived in me. I have just perfected the art of putting up masks and shields.

This experience had me running to Jesus. I needed him. I relyed on him to get me through conversations, to give me grace, to not expect changes overnight, and to give me the qualities like patience, compassion, and mercy. I wanted to instill these in my kids, but couldn’t before emptying of myself.

This sweet, sweet boy was used to change me. He made me see Jesus in a desperate way. Jesus is real, he is alive, and I saw him move. He moved my heart. I went from wanting a 1-year-old girl to saying yes to a 4-year-old boy. I went from wanting to help him to loving him like my own flesh and blood children.

Even in this moment, I type through tears as I hear one of my son’s saying “where is _______” and another eating his granola bar the exact way our FS always did. He has parts of our heart and we will always love him.

Yesterday, was a hard day as it was our last one with him in our care. We all cried heavy, hard tears as we said goodbye. It was real. I got to hug his great-aunt with my tears streaming onto her back and whisper she’s going to do a great job, and I believe it. We then went out to dinner as our little family of five again. We told stories, joked , and I laughed so hard till my belly hurt. It was a beautiful moment to realize that even through pain…there can still be joy. God has not forgotten us and did not leave us in the moment when we said good-bye to our FS.

I feel like we have been grieving him leaving for a while, so now that the band-aid is officially pulled up, it is a mix of emotions. In sorting all these out for a few days, I have felt scared. Not scared for our FS, because I believe he has an amazing team around him to watch over and make sure he is safe and he is in the palms of our mighty God, but scared for our hearts. This boy was used to move blinders on my eyes and rocks in my heart. I needed him just as much as he needed me. But, laughing with my family, hanging on our bed all cuddled up together till we all crashed, and waking up today knowing and believe that God is still with me, I have a peace. God has never left me. We have hope. We have faith. God is not through with us yet. This was just another beautiful part of our story and the journey God is taking us through in this world.

One way I see God move now, is in the caring of our hearts through all of you. Thank you for the sweet texts, emails, comments, drop bys, hugs and messages saying you are praying for us. I can’t tell you how much I have felt them and you are being used to carry us. Although we were on the “front lines,” it was a team effort and we couldn’t have done it without the support of so many.

We will miss this sweet boy, but we will see him again. Looking back now I feel like when we said “yes” to that phone call five months ago, we were largely saying yes to God having the controls of our life in a raw, trusting way. It should be that way daily no matter what is happening or who lives in our home. I want to still wake up today and say “yes” to Jesus. We gave of ourselves, but really in that giving…we were blessed and changed far more than we could have ever expected.

It is a continued prayer that we will have strength to say “yes” to hard things and give love through it again and again.

As we reflect on our experience, the song posted below has become like an anthem for us. I hope and pray wherever you find yourself today that you would know there is a faithful God you can cry out to and find hope.

Letting Others In

July 23, 2014 By Erica Deuel 14 Comments

One of my life issues is emotionally closing up when I’m going through something hard. It is easier for me to put up walls than be real. I don’t know if it is from a heart that wants to protect itself from being vulnerable or from fear of letting others see me hurt. Letting people help me is something hard to accept as well. I feel like the two are somehow connected. Maybe letting people in is asking them to carry the burden of hurt as well, and I don’t want that.

Can you relate?

For five months, we have pulled back from a lot of life. As we adjusted to being foster parents and have walked through some fires with our foster son, we have done life closely with one another. I think a lot of it was because our plate has been so full we literally couldn’t carry much else, but as you can imagine other areas in my life took a second seat to carrying for our foster son and our three biological kids. They have been my world.

As Haven 2014 (Haven is a local DIY Blog Conference) was approaching, I struggled with should I sell my ticket or not. My family and foster son had been my world. They were the priority and all else took a back seat. Did projects really matter? Was my blog a silly thing to invest in? I wondered how I could emotionally switch from my family/foster mindset to a mindset to dream and talk business for three whole days.

I decided to go, largely because one of my best friends would be there and the ability to catch up with her was exciting.

So I went. I walked in with a heavy, hurting heart. I was on fumes, and I knew it. I know I was probably a little more quiet than last year. But, being real about where I was and at peace with it, was actually good for me.

For three days, I got to laugh with friends, dream up new ideas, be inspired, and poured back into. It encouraged my soul every time someone asked me about our family, said they were inspired by our foster parent role, and were encouraged by how we were living. I felt loved, carried, and slowly I let some girls in. They allowed me to be real, cry, and hurt. Thank you Christina, Angie, and Erin for walking through fire with me and giving me laughs along the way.

As a result, I felt loved and felt this spark light back up in me that was born to create and dream. I remembered in a fresh new way why I love blogging and why I love this community that blogging brings me.

The hotel was beautiful, the food was amazing, the swag was incredible, the bloggers were so kind, and the brands were generous. Last year, I largely was big into networking and experiencing it all. This time I relaxed, enjoyed, and it was much more about heart level, life changing conversations with sweet friends with a touch of learning. It was just what I needed.

It didn’t hurt that I learned from some of the best there are as well. To know people on and off the web is a huge gift.

I missed my family greatly, so there were lots of texts and selfies sent back and forth, but I am so thankful I had this weekend away. There is more to me and my life than just my family. We need community. We were wired for it.

If you have been following me on Instagram, you know I came home from Haven to find out that our foster son is leaving us. Tomorrow, he will be moving to a great aunt’s house. Although my heart is breaking, I feel like God has been slowly preparing me and our family for this transition. I have a peace. God is so gracious to us. I have gotten to know this sweet great aunt, and have the very rare pleasure to now call her friend. We will see this sweet boy that has become part of our family again.

As we have walked this road, I am continually amazed by the love poured out. I have not perfected letting others in, but I am trying. I am in a continual journey to become a better version of myself and who God created me to be. That alone is the perfect project.

Be Creative

May 23, 2014 By Erica Deuel 3 Comments

Creativity is a complex idea. I think most people think of creativity as literally pulling out craft supplies and creating something awesome. Creativity can look different, and that is something I have been learning. I like how Wikipedia defines the word CREATIVE: “a phenomenon whereby something new and valuable is created (such as an idea, a joke, an artistic or literary work, a painting or musical composition, a solution, an invention etc.). The ideas and concepts so conceived can then manifest themselves in any number of ways…”

When we said “yes” to our foster son, we were saying “no” to other things. Having three boys so close together and a dramatic three-year little girl keeps us busy. My boys are 7, 5, and 5. So, you can imagine the competitiveness that can arise on a daily basis. The Nerf gun wars that run around our house have picked up in frequency. The impromptu wrestling matches have me looking into referee jerseys. When they all roll out on their bikes, it’s like a miniature motorcycle gang has invaded our street.

It is amazing and I would not have it any other way, but it can be tiresome and hard as well.

In the moments where I wonder how many times I have said “please, stop arguing” and “we use our muscles to protect,” I question if I can do this. Do I have what it takes to love, care, nurture and protect these four hearts through this world. The truth is I do not.

I need Jesus and only the love that he can bring. Our foster son goes through a wave of different emotions on what seems like an hourly basis. As soon as I think I have figured out the root causes of his actions, something happens that throws off all of my thinking. It’s like God is saying “don’t try to understand my plans, just trust me in the journey,” so we hold fast and are constantly checking our hearts and words on keeping this perspective. I like plans, I like knowing what to expect, I hate surprises. So, I am being stretched. And you know what? It’s good.

God is in control of our lives. He has my kids in the palm of his hand, and he is their protector. I do my best, but then I am reminded I am not their Savior. In all my deep talks, I was reminded the other week that some of my well thought out and intentional moments with the kids may not even be the most meaningful things. In a moment of exasperation of asking, pleading, and enduring an unusual amount of timeouts, I asked my foster son what was going on. I will never forget what he said. He said, “I think I need some Jesus music”. It still brings tears to my eyes as I replay this story.

That is something I say and quickly turn on Pandora or pop in a CD when I am tired and feel anger and frustration in my heart. He must see it, but that is never something that I would have thought that could have transferred to him. Kids really are sponges.

I say all this to say, I am learning that being creative might not be limited to actually making, creating something with all my supplies.

It might be the words or actions we use to teach our kids how to navigate through this world.

It might be the way we organize our time or our method of getting groceries into the house.

It might be how we get food on the table or nutritious food in their bellies period.

It might be how we share to make it through the day. (you don’t have any socks? Borrow some from your brother)

It might be the way we learn to accept help and stretch ourselves outside what is our norm.

Creativity is a complex thing, that doesn’t always included art supplies, and I believe you have it inside of you too!

I made this sweet little sign to hang in my office as a daily reminder that I can be creative right where I am now. In the moments where kids are my entire day, I can still be creative.

I was looking at the clock the other day and realized how I better take this picture quickly or the sunlight would be gone. So, I used some Lemon Heads as an incentive and got all four kids lined up and eager for their picture to be taken. As I saw them standing there I realized a) two were standing in a puddle in socks b) one had not been obedient and changed into a new play outfit instead of pjs c) one was still wearing her soppy wet clothes from playing in the rain. I sighed knowing this was not ideal but was thankful to just get them standing still all together for a picture.

Now, when I look back I wouldn’t have the picture any other way. It sums up where I am at. Four cute, sweet kids that I love and adore and we are not perfect but doing the best we can to remember love is patient and God is not through with any of us yet. As you are making it through your day, know that I am thinking and praying for you that you would be filled with “a phenomenon whereby something new and valuable is created” and that it makes a difference for the people around you!

**If you too would like to make a sign like this, I made mine based on the idea with this Love Sign. Have fun!**

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