As a solider you are trained, given lots of wisdom and time to grow and practice what you have learned way before going into battle. Being a foster care parent is very similar.
We have done this before and have now been trained and certified TWICE. I bet if you ask a solider (I’m sure this is true as well), you learn so much once you hit the battle field. That experience trumps all the preparation done to get to the field.
If I could explain what our family has been going through these last six weeks, I would say it is heavily relearning things we learned the first time around.
There are many highs and lows.
I am relearning the need for community.
I can’t do this on my own.
I need Jesus.
I have darker moments than I want to admit.
We can be somewhat healthy and the moment you add trauma to your family – it’s like a bomb goes off and everyone is effected.
I often need to be in bed by 9:00pm (even if that’s watching a baby monitor)
Although it is again one of the hardest things I have had to do, these are lessons I never want to tire of learning. I want so badly to teach my kids patience. This includes my foster son. We need to show love by being patient with our words and actions. We say that often, as you may remember from reading this parenting tip post of ours. I need to remember that it is needed for me to be patient with myself.
We are all still adjusting. Life is different with a new one in the house. We are all learning a new rhythm. The new normal is that there is no normal. That’s a hard concept for one to take in. Especially someone with my personality who thrives on rhythm and steadiness. I have cried. I have wanted to be done. I have questioned if I can do this. I have had to rethink the clarity I felt when I said yes. Did I dream that peace? No, no I didn’t. But, there has been enough tired moments that have left me in all kinds of dark places emotionally.
Although the two long term placements we have had in our home, both boys, different ages, come from different parents and live states away, there is a certain normalcy with adding kids from trauma into your home. I knew this, but I have not been patient to allow my body to catch up to what my heart and head know to be true. I read this post, and it struck me with how accurate her explanation of what I am living is to be true.
Love is patient. I will be patient with allowing myself to be a never ending piece of clay that needs molding. I can admit I don’t have it all together. I need Jesus. I need his grasp on the bigger picture in all the hard moments. I need him to speak truth to me, through me, and around me. I can’t do this, but I know the one who can. I call him my Savior. He has not forgotten us. He will sustain, and we will be his hands and feet to the hurting in our home. It is the mission field we prayed it would be.
I say all this not for you to have pity on me. Seriously. I say this to encourage you. The truths we say to our kids are true for us as well. Love is patient. I will give myself grace to adjust and patience as we figure out our new life. If you too are a foster mama or just a mama in general, don’t forget we are learning everyday. Our homes can be seen as our battle ground. There will be good days with lots of signs of progress and there will be days that are so dark you cry into your pillow. The evil one does not want us to shine love and grace and teach forgiveness. We will get discouraged and feel defeated, but I am relearning we just need to press further in…cry out to Jesus…and have patience in seeing signs of hope.
**This hoop is for sale in the shop here, if you are interested. Thank you so much!**
What some may not know about my relationship with my little Reagan Noel is that our biggest fights are about her hair. She hates for is to get styled, washed, brushed, braided, played with, and put in a pony tail. In summary, she really just doesn’t want her hair touched.
If you have a four-year old girl (your experience may be like mine), they like to dress themselves, already have an opinion and taste in clothes, and a little lip gloss will bring them much joy. Reagan is a free spirit when it comes to her style and for the most part I don’t fight it. I let her choose outfits and often times bite my lip when she walks out the door.
We started with a hair cut. It was hard for her to let her Rapunzel hair goal go, but we cut off eight inches and it is still long. We then tried Dove’s shampoo and conditioner. I let her rub some in her hair, I did as well. There were minimal tears letting her assist with the wash and rinse! I found the shampoo and conditioner left her hair feeling soft and smooth and more manageable!
We loved the Quench Absolute Supreme Creme Serum. It is Dove’s first curl leave in nourishing treatment. It’s fast absorbing, lightweight and can be used on wet or dry hair. I let Reagan’s hair be about half air-dried when I apply it. I love how you can’t even tell she has a product in her hair. There is no hardness to her curls. They are still lightweight but just a little less frizzy.
When I look at our kids, I see my little super heroes. They make it easy because they like to dress up and pretend to be caped crusaders all the time. But their playtime roles are not really what I’m talking about. I’m talking about their beauty, their strength, their innocence, their creativity, their joy, and most of all their ability to love. They inspire me all the time.
I don’t know where you are at in your life with God or if mentioning Jesus makes you uncomfortable. I understand if that’s the case. There’s a lot to be confused about when it comes to faith. But one thing I can tell you, letting the thought that God has a plan for me, he has good things for me to do, and that he calls me his masterpiece take root in my heart has been life changing. When I doubt, struggle with my shortcomings, and start to believe that I am a failure, I hear that whisper in the back of my head that tells me “You are a masterpiece”. The truth that through Jesus I can be changed and made new, I need that. The hope and belief that my life is about something bigger than me, that was planned long ago, that’s thrilling. I want in on that.
So, when I think about my little super heroes and all that they face and are going to face in this world, I want this thought burned into their little hearts too. No matter what happens, no matter what someone tells them or does to them, I want them to know inside and out that they are a masterpiece. I don’t want them growing up thinking they are perfect, but I do want them to believe they are special. They were made intentionally and they have been invited into a life of hope and purpose regardless of what their circumstances may be telling them in the moment.
Another passage that provides so much clarity for us comes from 1 Corinthians 13. If you’ve been to a wedding in the last 100 years you’ve probably heard this one a few times. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
While Caleb knows and can recite most of the passage, the other kids know “Love is patient. Love is kind.” Even our foster son that has been with us for a month has this one down. When tension rises and tempers start to flare over something, someone usually breaks out in a quick reminder “Love is patient! Love is kind!” Sometimes they say it through gritted teeth and locked jaws or with a little eye roll, but they say it and move on. Other times I step in and say “why did you ______? What is Love?” They will answer and my follow up question is always “was _______being patient/kind? (whichever applies)” It gives some reference to go and parent off of.
