For a week, I have been down.  When I say down, I mean like sad, weepy, no patience with my sweet kids, tired, cranky (borderline bitchy), and on the verge of a depressed outlook on life.  It has been a long week.

I shared at the beginning of the year that my word for the year is CHANGE. I’ve also hinted to big things coming for us as a family. Everything we’ve been thinking and moving towards was on track and could not be more exciting. That is until this past week. We had a huge set back. Things that were coming together all of the sudden had fallen apart. It wasn’t like a two steps back sort of thing. It was a back at the starting line kind of blow.

Although we have been dealt a hard hand at the moment, I feel like I am carrying things harder than I should.  The truth is I am truly blessed.  I have an amazing family, a roof over my head, and food in front of me.  All our bills might not be paid at the exact moment, but there are plans for them to be, and we will be just fine.

I have wanted to crawl in a hole, feel sorry for myself and not talk to anyone really.  That’s not fair, and it is not healthy.  When I have moments like this week in my life, I call it my hole.  I feel like I have fallen into a deep black hole, and I can’t find a way out.

I know sometimes in life we have to choose joy (as I posted this above instagram this week), but I want that joy flowing more freely…even over speed bumps.

This post might come as a surprise after a few cheery posts about my Valentines Day Mantel, my kids vlog, and a Girl’s Night.  All of those moments were real and special but I am also good at ignoring and stuffing my issues.  It’s a craft in itself, but I am also a mom to three beautiful kids that I’m trying to nurture in a POSITIVE way.  I don’t have to be perfect, but I have to be healthier.

This week, I found myself evaluating my health, and the verdict was not good.

I have not done a good job with my goal of eating breakfast for 2013.  Coffee no longer counts.

I used to be a runner!  I ran several miles a couple of times a week.  Now, I haven’t run in months.

I start my days drinking coffee.  (about 3-4 cups a day)

I end my days drinking beer.

I throw a large sweet tea down in the middle of most days.

I sit in front of a computer for my “alone time.”

I eat a lot of sugar.  Candy mostly.

My mind is always going.

I don’t know how to not “be doing” and rest.

I think if I was a healthier person, and I had a few of these things in order, I would be able to process bad news better and keep perspective on the bigger picture.  So, I need to change.  Funny how that was my word for this year!?  Change.

Matt and I were talking about how we so easily over estimate all we can accomplish in a year, but we under value what we could accomplish in the next 15 minutes. Vision for the future is so important but life can be simplified just by focusing on today. Do the little things and do them well. Control the things I can control and trust for the things I can’t. So while I’m still believing in big things for this year I’m going to try and focus on the gift I have been given: today. I’m going to work to change the parts of me that I can change today.

In the midst of this crazy emotional week, I got a package from my new friends at Provacative Manners that put a smile on my face.

Danielle Marie & Katrina are best friends that blog together.  How cool is that!?  I have had the pleasure of getting to know these sweet friends and I am blessed to now have them as my own blogging buddies.  They write as they see life, “it’s all about the fabulous lifestyle, fashion, treats (whether that’s dessert, pedicures or a kiss in the rain!) and those common sense everyday manners!”  They have gorgeous pictures and are really relate-able.

They sent me a sweet Valentines Day present, and how coincidental that it was all about pampering ME!?

Thank you Danielle Marie & Katrina for not only putting a smile on my face, but a ray of sunshine in my week!!

Thank you to all my amazing readers for being a place that I can process life.