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The Dreaded Why Question (An Update on Our House Sale)

March 12, 2013 By Erica Deuel 7 Comments

The dreaded Why Question

As most of you know we put our house on the market about two weeks ago. Many of you have been so kind to follow up with me and ask how it’s been going. To be honest it’s been one of the crazier emotional roller coasters we’ve ever been on. I’ve asked Matt to share an update and a little perspective from us because I wanted to keep you all in the loop.

Matt: 

Two weeks ago this past Friday the house was officially listed. In about 48 hours the house had been shown about fifteen times. We had three offers come in so our agent asked everyone to send in their highest and best offers and we would make a decision. Before we knew it, we were under contract on an offer that exceeded our asking price. We were stunned.

After a private deal unexpectedly fell apart in January, here we were with an offer that was going to have us walking away in much better shape. It felt like the most incredible blessing. However, in just a few short days that deal fell apart too. It was frustrating, but no worries, we had a back-up deal already in place from our original series of offers. We lost a good bit of margin in this second deal, but were still in a good position to sell our house and accomplish our goals. Yesterday that deal hit a breaking point and we are expecting termination papers to be filed later today.

So what’s the deal? The best way to sum it up is that our house is 61 years old. It’s in an incredible location. It has curb appeal. When you get inside and see all that Erica has done with this place it’s easy for buyers to envision it as their future home. When you step out back and see the apartment and office, the potential of that space gets very exciting to people. However there are some old house issues under the surface. A couple that we were aware of and prepared to deal with; a few that have come as a surprise. Every one of the issues are fixable. Yet, the potential buyers have walked or tried to negotiate beyond what is reasonable in getting the deal done.

house with curb appeal

While we know the house has a lot to offer someone we have been left feeling like it is an unsellable piece of crap.

Of course that’s not true, it’s just the reality of our discouragement. The whole thing is very confusing. As we have shared before, we have sensed peace and clarity about taking these steps. Why would we be prompted to go through these steps just to be put through all of these seemingly cruel ups and downs?

As we have processed I’m coming to a place of feeling like “Why?” is the wrong question. It’s the question we always ask in the midst of adversity, however it’s also question that rarely gets answered. It can leave you with a sense of hopelessness and fill you with fear while you wait for the other shoe to drop. I think “Why?” is actually a trick question used to make us doubt our worth and significance in the bigger picture.

“Why?” really won’t get us anywhere. We can’t control it. What we can control is us and our next steps. Rather than “Why?” we are trying to ask “What’s next?” It’s the difference of sitting numb in our circumstances and choosing to be proactive towards the things we feel called to do. Does life ever play out the way we expect it to? Rarely. Rather than letting speed bumps become road blocks  we are searching for the detour. We are trying to trust that this journey will produce growth for us as a family and be just as crucial in our story as the actual destination.

As far as the house we still have a few options that we are processing through. We are in the process of receiving the inspection report to learn exactly all the things we are dealing with. Once we have a firm grasp on the “issues” we will evaluate our options moving forward. In the meantime we are not letting the detour with the house derail our desire to move towards becoming a foster family. Rather than waiting on the house stuff to settle first we are going to pursue the needed training and education now. We said it before and I’ll say it again, it’s about the little faithful steps forward each day. So while our current plan has hit a moment of pause we’ll work to take steps in other areas.

Thanks for continuing to track along with us. Please forgive us if we fail to answer all the questions and respond quickly. Some of the nature of this process requires us to keep quiet until we have firm answers and are able to share more. But please know this, we so appreciate all the prayers and encouragement.

Erica:

I’m so thankful for Matt and that I am not walking this path alone.

photo

I read his message above and I talk to him and I find perspective and strength.  Left on my own, I would wallow in my hole more.  This is an emotionally exhausting process and at every turn I feel like I’m too tired to process any more but then something else happens…and I find I can do more than I thought.  As Matt has said to me, maybe this emotionally exhausting and “we’re not in control” process is preparing us for the foster care road in which BOTH of those things are an expected norm.  Thank you for caring, for reading, and for being there to help us process!

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Failing at “Super Mom”

May 18, 2012 By Erica Deuel 3 Comments

(Note:  Congratulations to Amanda Huyser for winning my hair bow this week!)

Life is changing again for us.  I was so sad about Caleb starting preschool this year, but in the last few weeks I have also been so sad about it ending.  It’s funny how that changed this year.

I have been so excited to get my boy back and to start attacking the list on our fridge of all the fun things we want to do this summer.  I have been so excited about our schedule being freed up and creating lots of memories together!

On the other hand, Roswell Presbyterian Preschool has been such a sweet “routine” for Caleb.  He had the two best teachers.  I literally believe God placed our boy in their room this year.  It wasn’t an accident or by chance.  They love my Caleb and were so patient with my questions and endless emails at the beginning of the year when I was learning to “let go”.  Caleb and his classmates bonded this year, and I am sad for this sweet season to end because of the friendships he has made and the influence of his teachers in his life.

Caleb had mixed feelings about school ending too.  He has been so excited about summer and swimming in “Grammy Pammy’s pool”, yet He’s been sad to say goodbye to his school, friends, and teachers.  I watch his sweet innocence and am trying to help him grasp and process this change in his life.

I think part of why this is a hard change for me is knowing I am keeping him home next year.  He wont see his friends in a few short months back at school.  After our best friends moving, Matt’s job having a different look and routine, my boys not taking naps or even doing “quiet time” anymore, and now this change…I think I’m just kind of emotional!?  In my opinion, one of the hardest parts of being a stay at home mom to three little ones is having changes and being too busy and tired to process it all.  There are all these emotions not sorted out and just kind of on the edge of your heart and soul, so they ooze out the first chance they are “allowed” to.  

On Friday, he had his last day of preschool.

In hopes of trying to boost both our hurting hearts, I tried to prep a fun “Welcome to Summer” activity.  After rushing home from dropping Caleb off at school, I hurriedly started creating a banner for him. I filled up a bucket of water balloons and all of our water guns.  My goal was to get home and to have a huge water war.  In the midst of this preparation, I had a slight melt down.  I forgot to follow through on J’s potty training routine when we got home and the result started my unraveling.

I was annoyed that I couldn’t do everything I wanted without being “interrupted” with my other two children.  I was snippy and edgy with them as I was rushing to do MY tasks.  My mind was busily trying to plan a special day for Caleb, and I wasn’t as sharp with J’s needs. Not staying on it with him caused a step backwards in his potty training and  I lost it.

I started crying and got so frustrated.  I was frustrated with myself.  It was all my fault.  I put all this pressure on myself to make today special for Caleb…I was failing my other two.  After such an emotional high of “miracles coming in the form of poop” literally the day before, I was so discouraged with myself that I wasn’t more on my game with J.  I can’t do it all.

I just cried and hugged my sweet husband.  As I was crying, it all came out.  Hence, my emotions oozed :).  I’m tired and going to bed too late.  I struggle to go to bed earlier because if I don’t stay up late and have some me time, I fail at hanging on to parts of “Erica”.  I’ve been sick and can’t run, so I am failing at holding onto one hobby I have worked so hard to keep up.  I can’t look cute and prepped everyday, so I fail at being the “hot mom”.  My house is always a mess, so I fail at being a good “home maker”.  Most of my meals are decided after my husband is home and the kids are beyond ready to eat, so I fail at another level of “home maker”. I cant please each of my three kids at the same time, all day, everyday, so I fail at being “super mom”.  In my mind, I am always letting someone or something down.  It’s so hard.

The day before this melt down, I had celebrated the heck out of J’s first poop in the toilet, and now I was letting him down by trying to make a special day for Caleb.

Matt held me, let me cry, helped fill my water balloons, and brought me back to reality.  What matters is loving my kids and not all the “tasks” I want to do for/or with them.  I put this pressure on my self to be “super ____”, but no one expects me to be that way.  He is God’s gift to me.

I wiped my tears and went to enjoy the end of the school year picnic with my kids, Caleb’s classmates, their moms, and his teachers.

After a good cry with my husband and a laugh with a sweet friend at Caleb’s last day of school picnic.  I was feeling a little better. I can’t be super mom all the time. This is my season.  My special, quick season of having three little blessings to care for everyday.

The water war was a blast!  The kids loved it!  There is nothing like a little skirt gun war and water balloon chasing to make you laugh and feel like a kid.

My cute girl was pretty much big eyed and sat in this chair taking it all in.

The giggles and shrieks of laughter in these moments, do so much for my tired soul.  This is what my season is about.  Enjoying and delighting in my kids is my priority.  I will fail in moments of not being able to be “super mom”, but I just need to keep loving them and being humble in moments of weakness.

So, to all the tired mamas out there, embrace that you wont always be a “super mom”, because it does not mean you are failing at being a GOOD mom!!

Part TWO of this processing is in my next post: Caleb’s Graduation Ceremony.

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