I sit here and I don’t exactly know what I want to say. I know my heart is raw and tender, and I want to always remember this feeling. The moment I am empty of myself, I find the most beautiful. It is these moments where I find it easier to rely on God, stop trying to do it all on my own, and surrender that I don’t have control.
I think it would be safe to say these last five months with our sweet foster son, my heart has largely been in this sweet, yet difficult place.
Yes, it is very hard to live day in and day out with such raw, heavy emotions, but it can be beautiful. Let me explain. When we said “yes” and brought a child in crisis into our home, we were bringing brokenness, hurt, pain, lies, bad habits, etc with him. It is a very trying experience to walk day in and day out with love in the midst of these circumstances. Not to mention having three other children in the home, who are little sponges. It was a constant balancing act of our hearts to care for everyone well.
There were many days where I was exhausted and cried. I couldn’t do it on my own. I learned that from our last foster experience. So, I think I was set up better this time around, but it didn’t change that it was still hard. The truth is though, all those things that lived in our FS, also lived in me. I have just perfected the art of putting up masks and shields.
This experience had me running to Jesus. I needed him. I relyed on him to get me through conversations, to give me grace, to not expect changes overnight, and to give me the qualities like patience, compassion, and mercy. I wanted to instill these in my kids, but couldn’t before emptying of myself.
This sweet, sweet boy was used to change me. He made me see Jesus in a desperate way. Jesus is real, he is alive, and I saw him move. He moved my heart. I went from wanting a 1-year-old girl to saying yes to a 4-year-old boy. I went from wanting to help him to loving him like my own flesh and blood children.
Even in this moment, I type through tears as I hear one of my son’s saying “where is _______” and another eating his granola bar the exact way our FS always did. He has parts of our heart and we will always love him.
Yesterday, was a hard day as it was our last one with him in our care. We all cried heavy, hard tears as we said goodbye. It was real. I got to hug his great-aunt with my tears streaming onto her back and whisper she’s going to do a great job, and I believe it. We then went out to dinner as our little family of five again. We told stories, joked , and I laughed so hard till my belly hurt. It was a beautiful moment to realize that even through pain…there can still be joy. God has not forgotten us and did not leave us in the moment when we said good-bye to our FS.
I feel like we have been grieving him leaving for a while, so now that the band-aid is officially pulled up, it is a mix of emotions. In sorting all these out for a few days, I have felt scared. Not scared for our FS, because I believe he has an amazing team around him to watch over and make sure he is safe and he is in the palms of our mighty God, but scared for our hearts. This boy was used to move blinders on my eyes and rocks in my heart. I needed him just as much as he needed me. But, laughing with my family, hanging on our bed all cuddled up together till we all crashed, and waking up today knowing and believe that God is still with me, I have a peace. God has never left me. We have hope. We have faith. God is not through with us yet. This was just another beautiful part of our story and the journey God is taking us through in this world.
One way I see God move now, is in the caring of our hearts through all of you. Thank you for the sweet texts, emails, comments, drop bys, hugs and messages saying you are praying for us. I can’t tell you how much I have felt them and you are being used to carry us. Although we were on the “front lines,” it was a team effort and we couldn’t have done it without the support of so many.
We will miss this sweet boy, but we will see him again. Looking back now I feel like when we said “yes” to that phone call five months ago, we were largely saying yes to God having the controls of our life in a raw, trusting way. It should be that way daily no matter what is happening or who lives in our home. I want to still wake up today and say “yes” to Jesus. We gave of ourselves, but really in that giving…we were blessed and changed far more than we could have ever expected.
It is a continued prayer that we will have strength to say “yes” to hard things and give love through it again and again.
As we reflect on our experience, the song posted below has become like an anthem for us. I hope and pray wherever you find yourself today that you would know there is a faithful God you can cry out to and find hope.
One of my life issues is emotionally closing up when I’m going through something hard. It is easier for me to put up walls than be real. I don’t know if it is from a heart that wants to protect itself from being vulnerable or from fear of letting others see me hurt. Letting people help me is something hard to accept as well. I feel like the two are somehow connected. Maybe letting people in is asking them to carry the burden of hurt as well, and I don’t want that.
As a result, I felt loved and felt this spark light back up in me that was born to create and dream. I remembered in a fresh new way why I love blogging and why I love this community that blogging brings me.
The hotel was beautiful, the food was amazing, the swag was incredible, the bloggers were so kind, and the brands were generous. 
It didn’t hurt that I learned from some of the best there are as well. To know people on and off the web is a huge gift.
I missed my family greatly, so there were lots of texts and selfies sent back and forth, but I am so thankful I had this weekend away. There is more to me and my life than just my family. We need community. We were wired for it.
If you have been following me on Instagram, you know I came home from Haven to find out that our foster son is leaving us. Tomorrow, he will be moving to a great aunt’s house. Although my heart is breaking, I feel like God has been slowly preparing me and our family for this transition. I have a peace. God is so gracious to us. I have gotten to know this sweet great aunt, and have the very rare pleasure to now call her friend. We will see this sweet boy that has become part of our family again.
Summer is here for us. I found myself last week with a huge sense of freedom when Caleb had his last day. As a homeschool mom, my life just got simpler. I am so excited about summer.
We still have our foster son. It looks like he may be with us till the fall. We are constantly reminded how this all changes so quickly. As a planner, someone who likes to know what to expect, and hates surprises…this is one of the hardest aspects of being a foster parent to me. I am learning and this stretching of me, I know, is ultimately growing me.
As school was wrapping up, I started to find more little windows to craft. Hoops are still the easiest thing to do for me, as I sit on the couch at night with my husband and sew while we talk and watch shows.
I hope summer is coming at a needed time for you as well. I pray this summer we find rest and a beautiful rhythm of how to do life. It is a constant balance act, right?
Thank you so much for being on this journey of life with us! If you are interested in any of these hoops, I have just listed them in my 
Do you live with some master builders?
Once the spray paint was dry, I cut slits down the side of the box. This took away a little of the box’s sturdiness, so it would break like a typical piñata.
I then recruited some cute helpers to help me stuff candy. Once the candy was in, I simply used some tape to seal the top closed.
The next step was cutting up a bunch of tissue paper into little square pieces. We used school glue to attach the tissue pieces to the box. There was no special rhythm to how we did this. We placed a bunch of glue drops all over the box and simply started sticking tissue pieces on them.
In order to get the raised connector part of the Lego brick to look right on the piñata, I used six bathroom drinking cups. I sliced around the top of each cup a couple of times and used my hot glue gun to glue the cups to the box.
Next, I added some more tissue paper and it was done!
I love how it came out! It was hard to get a really good picture based on all the texture, but after the tissue paper dries, if you press your hand down to pat the tissue paper closer to the box, that will help the shape. I think the size of your tissue paper squares helps hold its shape better too. I used pretty big squares since my “helpers” got burned out pretty quick and we were short on time. The smaller your squares, the more shape your pinata will hold tight. Just beware it will take longer to complete as well if your tissue paper squares may be bigger.
My kids had a lot of fun destroying this piñata. Do you have some Lego builders that would have fun with one of these too!?