My best friend moves in two days. This week is one of the hardest I have had in a long time. Lots and lots of tears have consumed my days on top of dealing with some sick kids (that are mine:)) with strep. It’s so hard standing on the side and watching her excitement grow of a life without me. For about six years, our lives have been so intertwined that almost everything one of us was excited about, included the other. Ultimately, I am excited for her. It’s just such a loss to lose a family…I consider part of my family.
There are so many moments we have shared together as friends, couples, and families that I have not shared with anyone else. Starting a non-profit together and struggling to make paychecks, rejoicing as we saw God provide, knowing what each little thing truly meant as we were given to and as we gave away, living on the road together, sharing family drama, financial issues, loss, and marital stuff all has led to a friendship I hold sacred. I’m sure there is a layer of “unhealth” in some ways of the friend ship we have derived at for being so closely intertwined. We have known each other as couples and been there as we had each of our now six kids (combined).
We have had our drama, but grown through it all and learned to fight “for each other” rather than with one another. In a lot of ways, it feels like she’s a part of me…and I just don’t know how I am going to make the days as bright without her.
This week is full of “lasts”. The last girl’s night, the last family day, and last date night with our dear friends. It sort of feels like the band-aid is slowly getting removed. As I cried to my husband last night, and said “I just want it all to be over and the band-aid ripped off”, he of course challenged me. Challenged me to not let my intimacy issues put up barriers, that are in defense of me getting hurt.
I am so thankful that I first and foremost am married to such an amazing man, that also happens to be my ultimate best friend and speaks wisdom into me. There is nothing like being married to your best friend.
But in the same way there is a specialness in girl friends, and the truth is, I will be hurt. It hurts to love so much and lose that, but he is right. Anything worth while is worth the pain. She is worth it. Not dealing and facing this loss head on does not give the friendship we have created validation.
So, I choose to hang in there…allow the pain…allow the tears…and embrace not an “end” but just a “change” in my friendship to my beloved biatch. 🙂
I love you!